What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
