nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
