i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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