i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize