I think my vagina is haunted
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize