My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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