Ketchup is God's man juice
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
