I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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