if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
