Will you blow on my dice?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
