You're completely useless in the revolution.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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