no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
