it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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