I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
