conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
