it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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