Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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