We won't sleep together?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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