I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
