The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
