peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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