You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
