okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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