i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
