Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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