My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sorry about my life...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
