Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
