why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
