jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize