dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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