I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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