On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
