just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm jealous of your bromance
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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