You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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