There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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