Sry I called you an 8
no, he came in my armpit
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
