I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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