Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
