How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
