there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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