I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
not ubering you a puppy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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