im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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