Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
