Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
