There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
