Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
