I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
