I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
