I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
