You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
