and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
