Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
