Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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