oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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