he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
