bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
