yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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