the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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