I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
