After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
