If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
