i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
