he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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