Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
