Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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