She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Such a big mess for such a small penis
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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