You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
