I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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