Farmville is her only friend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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