I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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