I seem to have left my pride at pride
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm experimenting with sincerity
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
